Defining the start of my journey to learn the difference between self confidence and self worth. Also a discussion on mourning the loss of (adult) friendships while trying to find your people without fear of what’s next.
Tuesday March 19, 2024
Today I am planning on editing and maybe even publishing an episode of my podcast Purposeful Wilderness that talks about friendships, in particular it talks about how making friends as an adult is hard. I went through a season where I had a strong feeling of belonging because I was able to really click with a fellow Mom. We had kids that were similar ages, Dads that got a long well and eventually became good friends… we traveled together, cried together, laughed a lot and just overall did life together for almost 6 years. But then, it came to a screaching halt and I was not the one to be pushing the brake. If I am honest, I am still dealing with the reminants of this sudden loss and it has been almost 7 years! To say having making a great friend, having a great friend and then losing a great friend – all while adult-ing, wife-ing and Mom-ing was tough would be one of the biggest understatements I could make… but I will let it there so as to not sound too dramatic. But seriously, it was one of the hardest times of my life when I realized the relationship was over. In the midst of this loss, we were making decisions to across the country and it was all so jumbled in my mind. The ripples of this hurt have caused more than a tsunami of pain all because I am so afraid to truly open up to someone. It is not that I feel that those years are lost… I know I am a better person because of her and that the time that has past has awarded me some seriously growth filled moments. As sad as it makes me feel to say this, we have changed and if we would run into one another now we may not even have a park play date much less a family vacation together… time has a way of changing us and if we don’t watch out – the people we once knew so well will become strangers.
There is little doubt in my mind that this experience, along with a few others brought on more with family than friends, help to fuel my self-help, self-growth journey. I have done the hard work of digging deep, understaning where some – not all – of my immediate thoughts and habits originate. But all this work has been more focused on my self – confidence (outward accolades) vs self-worth (inner knowing). While this relationship, amongst a few others, fell by the wayside and I was looking to find my true self, to help my mind grow… I realize I chose to focus on confidence in my self vs my worth.
What does this look like? Instead of measuring myself up to my external accomplishments, I want to measure life on what truly matters. A guage that is independent on my performance and being good enough for myself and others.
In Jamie Kern Lima’s new book ‘Worthy’, she outlines the difference between self confidence and self worth – and understanding the difference between these two, often interchanged words, means EVERYTHING…. So here is a direct quote from one of the mentors I am currently learning from on my journey to learning and understanding my self worth.
Self Confidence Self Worth what you show on the outside what you feel on the inside based on mastery based on identity what you can do who you are believing you are skilled enough believing you ARE enough fluctuates based on your environment stable through every environment is fragile is foundational the belief in your abilities as a person the belief in your value as a person ”I’m striving to earn love.” ”I am love.” gives you drive gives you peace is optional is essential eventually surrenders ultimately prevails is the house you build on top of is your foundation Jamie Kern Lima – Worthy So, here I am embarking on another journey. This one is different though. In the past I feel as though I have been focused on my self improvement journey in a way that helps my self confidence. And while that is important, it is shifty at best. I know now that I need to do the inner job of believing I am worthy enough to do the great things I ws designed to do. Since my worth isn’t determined by what I can or cannot do, I cannot lose it. I was never made to hold God up, so then how could I ever let Him down? It is in my worth that I can find the person I have been seeking since I was old enough to understand I was different from anyone else. It is in this worth that I will find my voice to continue helping others and expand my reach. It is in this worth where this platform, in addition to my podcast, will grow to a level that will help anyone who needs to hear it. It is in this worth that I show my appreciation for the sacrifice that was given for me, and in my acts I will continue to shine a spotlight on the One who created me.
Thank you for embarking on this journey with me. I hope you have found a renewed desire to know your self worth better, so that we can bless others and love them well. Remember we are always stronger together!