Does my road to happiness really exist?

No. But STOP… before you think this is just another doom and gloom message, give me just a few more seconds of your time… I promise it’s so much more!

For a while now I have thought that happiness is a destination. I truly believed that if I lost the twenty pounds or if I read the ‘right’ self-help book I would find happiness. But, looking as far back as my childhood, this isn’t much of a revelation. In fact, it’s been such a normal thought that I never really even ever thought to challenge it until recently. “Do _______, you’ll be happy.” I can remember being in college and thinking when I graduate and actually have a normal schedule I will be happy. I pictured myself walking into the grocery store every week, list in hand, ready to start my Saturday morning and run some errands after my gym workout. Yeah. Honestly, going to the grocery store and having a regular daily/ weekly schedule was my definition of success. My version of adulting. Wow!

But then this all got twisted and turned around when I took a course about consistency from Kendra Hennessey. She is well known in the Mom niche for helping people debunk all things cleaning and mindset driven in her Mother Like A Boss community. I have been a pretty big fan of hers for quite some time. And for some reason, consistency has always been an issue for me. It has always been the baseline of how my goals could come to fruition, yet I never have mastered the art of being consistent. I can plan and plan and plan – but that doesn’t guarantee consistency – that just guarantees to delay the start (and spending waaaaay too much time on journals/ stickers/ stamps/ etc. Does anyone else stray into the Back to School aisles and get in trouble in the pen and/ or planner section? And the various life planner options online from fabulous creators make my head spin! Swoon. Sorry I digress…)

Kendra gave the analogy of a bus (specifically at Disney World) as a symbol of consistency, and the stops being various life opportunities and/ or goals. She says consistency is not a goal, but the actual mode of transportation to get you there. It goes something like this… You’re running around like mad trying to get to your bus to get to the park on time to make your FastPasses. For one reason (or ten) you miss the bus. You have a decision to make… you could (a) throw in the towel and go home “Ugh! I’m so stupid for missing that bus. Or “That bus is so dumb for coming at that time.” or (b) wait for another bus to come that is going to the park you need to go to. It’s not an all-or-nothing thing. It is never all or nothing. Or at least it doesn’t have to be!

Repeat after me: It does not have to be all or nothing!

Phew! That feels so good to say!

You can have a morning routine without having to get up at the same exact time every day to get it done. Sure. Around the same time works, but our bodies work more on routines and consistencies, and rarely to the hour or minute. Consistency is far more important than timing. Consistency will drive you to your goals because if you do things over and over they become habits. Picture this. You decide to start getting up at 5:30 am every day so that you can do your morning routine… coffee, journal, and maybe a little exercise before you grab a quick shower and get ready for the day. But then 5:30 comes and goes and now it’s 5:45. You can (a) choose to modify your plans but still get up and go through the routine – just slightly shortened or (b) forget about it and try again tomorrow. I wish this was my original thought – but I owe this revelation all to Kendra for bringing me to this revelation. Seriously, I hope this is as mind-blowing to YOU as it was to me… and here’s why… we can wait around for the perfect time or we can make the time now. It may not be pretty, it won’t be perfect, but it will get done. And done is always better than perfect. Always!

“Ok, Jenn, (you may be asking…) why all this talk about consistency?… you were talking about happiness.” Well, this revelation in how I needed to bend my thinking about consistency goes side by side with how I needed to think about my approach to happiness. Happiness will not just happen when I achieve a goal any more than consistency will happen if I perform a task. Happiness will get me to the goal just like consistency will get me to the task. Again, it likely won’t be pretty (especially every time) but it will be done. And done always feels better than ‘someday’.

This blog is 6 years in the making. SIX years! Oh, how I wish I would have those years to share my story. But I was waiting for the perfect time, the perfect font, the perfect branding, the perfect colors and website, and all the things – when in reality you can have all that but without good content, my page would be nothing. And because I was made to share this stuff, I am confident my journey, my writing, and my sharing will help someone… even if it is just to provide a good laugh! Somedays, that’s all we need to get going, other times we need more and although I know I am not all my readers need – I am confident that this platform can give you my voice and my voice is driven by my story and my story is driven by my Creator… so how can this go wrong? Easy. By waiting for the perfect aesthetics, the perfect podcast intro, or the routine that ‘sticks’ instead of just doing it and letting it tease itself out with time.

Here is the hard truth. I have books and books and book FULL of great content. Content that I wrote with all my heart so that when my ‘someday’ comes I will be ready. It’s collecting dust and not helping one single soul – including my own. I am talking bullet points and explanations that would make so much a difference just by sharing it whether its because someone needs to feel validated, not alone, supported, just plain understood, or even if it is to prove to that one person that they are not the but to the red hot dumpster fire train wreck destination they have always feared. I know in my heart I can help because I am not here for myself. I am here to help you. I am here because I have been called to share this crazy life with people I may never meet with the promise to help someone, somewhere, in some way.

So, to you, my friend. Whoever needs to hear (read) this… you do not need permission to be happy. Happiness does not mean you are mindless just as much as busyness doesn’t mean you’re important. You are allowed to feel every emotion. That means if you need to feel sad. Feel sad. If you need to feel mad. Feel mad. If you are feeling happy. Be happy. But whatever you do, do not allow others to define your emotions. So often we get caught up in what is the right way to feel, and so often we lose ourselves. Sitting in true emotions with someone is raw. Sadness is uncomfortable, but happiness is unpopular. It sometimes feels like a state of melancholy or ‘meh’ is the only emotional state we can be in without affecting the way others feel around us. How sad is that?

Please understand, that I am not promoting toxic happiness. This is the type of happiness that happens when you are choosing to ignore what you may need to face. The subtle depression that has you feeling so heavy you can barely breathe sometimes, the sudden anxiety that you keep telling yourself doesn’t exist, the friend that is hurting herself and her family by the life choices she is making, or the spouse that is crushing your soul because of his power-hungry passive-aggressive ways. These are just a few examples of difficult issues that need to be addressed and 100% felt. In that feeling, we cannot stay stuck in the sadness, but to not feel some sort of emotion other than happiness would signal a toxic emotional state.

To the Mom who is reading this, with a burn in her eyes and a lump in her throat, please know I see you. I was once you. Sometimes, I am still where you are… but I don’t stay there for long. Because I saw the lightness and freedom that comes from truly feeling your thoughts, sharing them, and staying awake from the darkness that shame, blame, and negative self-talk brings. The light truly destroys the darkness and you, my friend, were made for more. I am no expert, but I am a few steps ahead of you.

Please, stop pretending. Stop pretending you are happy when you are really sad. Stop pretending when you are ‘meh’ when you’d rather shout from the rooftops how happy you feel. Stop making yourself small because you feel like you have to. You were made for so much more. And, in that space you take, in that permission you give yourself to grow, to feel, and to live – you will inspire others to do the same. And when one person, much less another Momma, gets inspired… there is no stopping what awesome-ness could happen.

From my heart,