Naming & reframing your fears & temptations will help you achieve your dreams.
I like to listen to documentaries, podcasts, or TedTalks that help me in whatever season I am in. Therefore, if you need to know anything about me, you can find out even more than I may know about myself just by looking at my search history. Lately, I have been on a “how to get motivated’ binge. Not necessarily because I feel unmotivated, but more so because I just want a different way to attack some of the issues I often encounter that tend to zap my energy.
I also believe that when a certain ‘something’ pops up over and over again when I am searching for answers, that ‘something’ is almost always worth investigating. Often that leads into other subjects, and it helps me dive deeper into my personal journey just by growing slowly and listening to what my heart wants or needs to hear.
This most recent information binge on motivation has come with a message that I wasn’t necessarily ready to hear, much less investigate further. And that message has come in different voices, accents, and dialects but the message is clear – In order to address something, you must recognize it first. I know. This sounds pretty obvious. But hear me out – I was raised in a time and place where I was taught to ignore it and it will go away. That craving for something sweet and salty you’re having… wait five minutes for it to pass. The person who is annoying you… walking away is the best option. And, possibly due to my personality and role in my family, often times the things that bothered me most were made to be small issues and therefore didn’t even get a chance to get addressed… my feelings often were hurt because I was “too sensitive”, my grades never truly reflected the time and efforts I put into my school work because “I wasn’t smart enough”, and my body never really made me proud because “I was big boned.” All of these situations put me and my control over them somewhere far away from the source. I was put in a position to (1) fall victim to my circumstance or (2) ignore it and hope it goes away. Never was I ever told to look it in the eyes and deal with it. Although the excuses others made for my struggles always put me on the defense, they were rather self-degrading; they never helped me advance because they kept me small.
I don’t blame my family, teachers, or closest friends. I truly believe they did the best they could. Times have really evolved, and being yourself is becoming more popular. In the ’80s & the ’90s, things were so different… And so now, I am met with this life-changing discovery of how to attack my demons. Instead of running from them, waiting the 5-10 minutes until my sweet tooth passes, I now know it is best to acknowledge that craving and realize it for what it is… a craving. Instead of being on autopilot and thinking, “I’m hungry for this, I worked out hard enough If I am craving it, my body needs it, or just this once…” then grabbing the very thing that is keeping me from my goals, I see it for what it is. It’s a thought. It’s a feeling. It is strong but I am stronger. I understand how bad it feels to give in to the thought distortions that are holding me back and realize how great it feels to power through and prove to myself that self-control is within my grasp.
And so, what challenges, fear, distorted thought, or excuse can you look in the eye and call out for what it is. Nothing ugly. Nothing negative. Just truly for what it is. Is it a thought? Is it a word? Is it a feeling? Whatever it is, it matters, and it needs a name. A simple name. What can you do to see it for what it is? Once you see this and name it, take a deep breath and realize that temptation is a double-sided door. One one side is the darkness that keeps us small by ‘giving in’ to yelling (see you are a monster), to eating cake (you’ll never be thin), speaking up (your thoughts are so stupid), or to starting that business (who in the world would want to take advice from you). You name this negative force for exactly what it is. A lie. A fear. An ooey gooey cinnamon roll. Pause. Take a deep breath. Then experience the feeling of being on the other side. This is the side of the door that opens to self-control, happiness, pride, and confidence. This door will close and you are now closer to your goals, what I like to call You 2.0.
It’s all within your reach. There are no excuses that are bigger than your dreams.
You go girl.
